Likability VS Competence – Why Gender Matters

It’s important to be well-liked. Not just because people will be nicer to you, but also because it will help your career. All other things being equal (competence, qualification, experience, etc.), people who are more well-liked make more money.

But shouldn’t being more competent be the difference maker to whether a person makes more money?

Isn’t competency more important than likeability? 

It probably should be, but that’s not usually the case – as study after study shows. In this Ted talk by documentarian Robin Hauser, I learned about the impact of likeability from a different point of view – a woman’s point of view. 

Is it really “Inherent Bias”?

While I generally think that the term “inherent bias” is overused in today’s media, in the situations Ms. Houser explores, “inherent bias” is exactly the right label. I also call this our “default setting.” 

What Ms. Houser’s insightful talk addresses is the disparity between how women are judged versus men – especially in business and other positions of power. 

It is common for a comment, made about a man, to be regarded as positive feedback, while the exact same comment, when referring to a woman, is construed as negative. This is generally due to inherent bias that men are supposed to be assertive, decisive, and strong, while women are supposed to be seen as kind, nurturing, supportive, and respectful. 

To be confident, assertive, and even to question things are not “attractive” traits in a woman. While you may disagree with this at face value, I challenge you to dig deeper. Or just witness how you respond when you see a woman take charge unapologetically.

It boils down to this: 
The qualities we value in leadership, like assertiveness and decisiveness, go against societal norms of what it is to be a likeable woman. 

In her talk, Hauser shares a great story about a Columbia University professor who prepared a case study about a venture capitalist named Heidi Roisen. The professor gave half his class the case study about Heidi. He then gave the other half of the class the exact same case study but changed Heidi’s name to Howard.

Same exact facts. Same exact story. But different sexes got very different responses.

Howard was perceived as a great colleague and someone you would want to work for. Heidi was perceived as too aggressive, out for herself, and someone you would not want to work for.

This is what happens when women violate gender “norms” – the stereotypes that women should be seen as kind and nurturing, not assertive and decisive. 

To combat this in your own life and at work, check your “default system,” and make a conscious effort to stop and adjust your perception instead of letting implicit bias be the judge and jury in your life. Avoid falling victim to false conclusions and work against that default setting.